|
[11 Feb 2005|04:49am] |
|
"what about your things?"
"i don't need things."
"where will you go?"
"disappear."
|
|
|
[22 Jan 2005|02:11am] |
|
yay winter blizzard!!!!
|
|
| /end thoughts |
[04 Oct 2004|04:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down |
] |
hands down this is the best day i can ever remember...
so today is supposed to be a happy day, but i'm so far from it. i guess you're supposed to feel some sort of accomplishment for surviving this long. then again, what more is there to accomplish? i've lived. i've learned. i've loved. that's what you're supposed to do in life. sure, i may not have all the answers and i'm positive i'd learn more if i live longer, but i'm satisfied with the life i've lived and if i die tomorrow, i'll know i've accomplished more than many others. it's with that frame of my mind that i don't fear death. the cool thing about life is the uncertainty. it's adjusting to the changing world and reacting to anything that comes your way. we're all survivors in a way, some more fortunate than others.
so do i have regrets? of course not. i'd go knowing i'd given my all. tried to do all i could in every aspect. sadly, sometimes it's not enough. i know that no matter what i did, i'd have done it to the best of my ability. it's inherent in everything i do or did. there are reasons for everything in life. i've lived life for all the reasons.
wish i could've had the opportunity to do more, but i've accepted that some things in life are not for me. and that's cool. it's good to want things. makes you strive for something, right? there are lots of things i would've liked to have experienced, but just wasn't meant to be. that's how the story goes, right?
you hear all the excuses through every passing day:
just because
that's how it is
it's not meant to be
it's not an option
i can't
these things happen
i never accepted any of those excuses. like i said, there are reasons for everything. saying one of those is just an excuse to not do something. sometimes that's okay.
anyway, i'd feel bad for my parents. you're not supposed to die before your parents. you're supposed to see them go. almost lost my brother earlier this year and i know that would've been devastating to them and me. he's the epitome of everything. think i'm glad that i learned to accept that i'll never be half of what he is. the worst part is replaying that in your head knowing you should be dead and you're not. makes you appreciate things a little bit more.
in the grand scheme of things, i'm only one person. i know you hear a lot how one person can make a difference and all that. you can look at that with another perspective though. i mean, if you knew you could cure all disease, but you had to kill one person, wouldn't you do it? think about all the other people you'd save if you were that one person. granted, i know i'm not, but it makes it a lot more bearable.
used to think i wanted to procreate, but now i don't think the world would be better off with another me running around. might be safer that way.
if anything, i hope i was able to give something. was able to make a difference in someone's life. just something.
sometimes i wish things didn't have to be this way, but i'm sure there's a reason for it. i've learned i have my own limitations. i'm stupid. i'm angry. honestly, i can be a really bad person. it's ok though. i never said i was perfect.
and sure, maybe you're thinking that i'm just not thinking straight. things in my life have never been clearer to me. and i appreciate all those around me for showing this to me. and embedding it in my mind.
there are reasons why my brother doesn't talk to me anymore. there are reasons why things between me and my sister aren't the same. there are reasons why i'm not loved anymore. there are reasons why i have bad friendships. it's me. i am at fault for all of this. i will come to terms with my faults and all my wrongdoings. i never said i was a great person either.
this downward spiral that is my life will come to an end. i'm sure of it. and when it does, i'll be ready.
"so won't you kill me, so i die happy"
|
|
|
[24 Aug 2004|04:12am] |
|
haven't really updated in a while, but then again, who cares?
|
|
| You'll be happy when... |
[20 Apr 2004|11:40am] |
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. And we will certainly be happy they are out of that stage!
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his/her act together, when we get a nice car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire. The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now...today. If not now, when? Our lives will always be filled with challenge and change. It's what we do when it comes.
It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is truly the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you share it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with: be it family, friends, or a significant other. And always remember, that time waits for no one.
So, stop waiting and telling yourself...
until your car or home is paid off.
until you get a new car or home.
until your kids leave the house.
until you go back to school.
until you finish school.
until you lose 10 lbs.
until you gain 10 lbs.
until you get married.
until you get a divorce.
until you have kids.
until you retire.
until Summer.
until Spring.
until Winter.
until Fall.
until you die.
There is no better time than right NOW to be happy. Happiness is simply a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt and always dance like no one's watching.
Okay - now I'm not big on copying emails I get from work. Most are all crap anyway, but one of the guys from district sent this out in the middle of October last year and I haven't gotten around to it until now to post it. I guess in the midst of the craziness, this is somewhat calming. Just one of those things that makes you think.
|
|
| absolutely nothing |
[14 Apr 2004|06:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Del Amitri - Always The Last To Know |
] |
"You're everything I want, but here." Those words have resounded in my head ever since she said them.
Somehow it's my fault. Maybe I didn't love her enough. I don't think I treated her poorly. Maybe my love just wasn't strong enough or maybe my love just wasn't enough.
I wish she could see how I see her. She's so beautiful she doesn't even know it. I'm sorry she's been done wrong in the past. I can't make up for all that though I try. She's special and she always will be. No matter what.
|
|
| Surprise |
[17 Mar 2004|10:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 embarrassed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ronan Keating - Lost For Words |
] |
So I walk into work today and right away, our guy manning the door pulled me to the side and said he had something for me. Wasn't sure what he was talking about and then he further mentioned that I probably already know what it is. Of course, I didn't. So we go into his office and I see the cutest bouquet of flowers with a teddy bear. Awww. It's the cutest thing! It's all laced with green and everything! Needless to say, I brought them into my office to eliminate as much embarrassment as possible. It was a good idea, but since everyone had already seen them since they arrived early, I received all the teasing feedback you could possibly imagine. Obviously, I was extremely surprised and went through millions of explanations since everyone had asked throughout the whole night. Love you, Angela! Everyone at work was jealous. I'm sure I'll still hear about it tomorrow hehe. It gets even better too. So I get home and have to go through the whole explanation with my parents hehe. Everyone's so happy and supportive. It's the coolest thing. I can't believe Lucie and Lori didn't even tell me! You bastards! Anyway, that totally made my day. I love you so much, Angela!!!
|
|
| I shall return |
[08 Mar 2004|02:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
not sure really =/ |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Blue - If You Come Back |
] |
when the time is right!
|
|
|
[02 Mar 2004|11:08pm] |
I can retire now. I know I'll probably get taken down tomorrow or something, but at least for a short period of time, I rule Xbox.
I'm such a loser
|
|
|
[12 Feb 2004|05:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jason Mraz - The Remedy (I Won't Worry) |
] |
Okay, so I think I'm all packed and ready to go. I leave for Cali in less than 3 hours. It's pretty crazy. Be back in a few days! Woohoo!
|
|
|
[05 Jan 2004|12:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hear'say - Everybody |
] |
I got one of my wisdom teeth extracted today. It was pretty quick. I only went in for like 45 minutes. There isn't really much blood at all, but this gauze is making me want to throw up. I didn't have any cavities either. Soon I will be able to eat normally!!! Yay!
|
|
| WHY? |
[18 Oct 2003|02:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lillix - Tomorrow |
] |
Why do ex's always seem to hang around and linger?
*shrugs* I don't know.
|
|
| It's cold |
[06 Oct 2003|02:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
matchbox twenty - Cold |
] |
I just worked 16 hours and I'm pretty beat. Hmm yeah.
|
|
| *sigh* |
[27 Sep 2003|12:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Chevelle - Send The Pain Below |
] |
Finally watched Chicago and LOTR2. Both are excellent. LOTR did get a little lengthy though. Almost felt like Star Wars at the end. Weird.
So even after almost a week of not upping my ranking in hockey, I'm still ranked 6th in the world! I don't even have to be there!
I'm not used to working on Saturdays. Really wanted to have off, but since I was away from work for so long, hmm they kind of needed me, I guess. I get to work in 4 stores in the next two weeks. It's nuts. Wednesday needs to get here soon. I need to sleep in badly.
|
|
| Like me |
[24 Sep 2003|11:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hot |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Linkin Park - Numb |
] |
Starting tomorrow, I won't have a day off until Wednesday. That is going to suck. I'm sure to be tired. It'll be October before I know it! I'll be off of work on my birthday though, so it's cool.
In something completely unrelated, it's been said that good men are hard to find. That's not necessarily true. I think there are a lot of "good men" out there. It's just that they fall for all the wrong women. The thing is, some of these wrong women actually realize what they have and then these guys are trapped...for life. Man, that would suck.
More thoughts on that at another time. I must sleep.
|
|
| Reality |
[24 Sep 2003|01:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Gavin DeGraw - Follow Through |
] |
I need to readjust myself to my work schedule. I hadn't been used to staying awake until 5 a.m. for a long time, especially for an extended period of time. It was all worth it though. I had the opportunity to meet some great people. I wouldn't have passed that up for the world. Glad to hear everyone got home safe and sound. I hope everyone had a great time out here.
Work is going better than I expected. I don't really have many problems to fix. Looks like they did well without me. That's umm promising. It's good to be back though. Found out I'll be working in 3 stores next week, including my own. They're all trying to steal me! It's good to be wanted. Note to self: do not hire clumsy people. One of my cashiers tripped over her hairdryer and fell into her mirror and got a whole bunch of stitches. She's out for like 3 days. I need some reliable people, badly.
I suppose I should give myself at least some bit of credit for a lot of things. Perhaps I'm a better person than just being all right. Just a thought really. Yeah.
|
|
| Ah, relief |
[21 Sep 2003|04:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mariah Carey - Make It Happen |
] |
Atlantic City concert was great. I do think the energy was a lot higher at the Radio City concert though. There's nothing like NY, no really. We missed the opening act, but that wasn't really much. There were still a lot of people who were running late anyway. We were cutting it close after driving out to Philly to drop Lori off at the airport. It's all good though.
Finally met Dana again and her sister, Ashlie, too for that matter! They're so cute. Wish I could've spent some more time with them, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.
And so my few days of vacation have pretty much come to an end. I head back to work Monday morning, barring my coworkers from calling me in tomorrow. I don't know how they can't function without me. It's weird. I guess that means I'm important, huh?
It's been a great couple days lately. I've had the opportunity to meet a great bunch of people who I probably would have never had the chance to meet if it weren't for the power of the internet. I look forward to meeting them all again in the near future. I got to spend a great deal of time in the city, which is something I've wanted to do for so long. It's even better to do it all on my own terms.
I suppose all good things must come to an end. And so goes my journal entry.
|
|
| Where are we? |
[20 Sep 2003|04:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lethargic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mariah Carey - Underneath The Stars |
] |
Just got home from a mini road trip. Went to drop off Diana in DE and uhh then we got lost a little on the way back. However, we didn't have to pay tolls!!! It was the umm scenic route at 3 a.m., yeah. Hope they all have a safe drive back.
Still need to buy disposable cameras for the concert tomorrow. Should be fun. Definitely looking forward to it.
Oh, the one good thing about that train delay last night was that they gave everyone free rides! Free stuff rules.
Sleep time.
|
|
| MC MC MC |
[19 Sep 2003|04:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mariah Carey - Always Be My Baby |
] |
The concert was just amazing. I'm actually really looking forward to seeing her in Atlantic City especially since I'll be way closer. Hopefully I won't have to deal with that 100 year old couple who were necking in front of me or that beyond flaming guy who had his arms flailing during every single lyric. Yeah, he deserved a severe beating. Other than that, the concert was excellent. The only thing that could've made it better would have been if she sang Love Takes Time over Can't Take That Away. I mean, who really voted for that anyway? She better do LTT in AC!!!! After seeing her, I've become more appreciative of her music. She's just awesome.
It was funny to see Lori and Amp made fun of at the concert. Lori got to go backstage at least!
On the way home, I got stuck at Penn Station for a bit. It's actually a good thing I decided to take the last train out. All the trains were delayed 2+ hours with a power outage in VA from the hurricane. I'd have been pissed if I had been waiting since 11. All in all, it was only a 20 minute delay from the last train time. The rain still wasn't that bad at all. There was a tree that got knocked over like 3 houses down from me. It was cool.
In other news, I just got a free copy of NFL Fever 2004 and another Xbox Live Starter Kit. Yay! Go me!
It's time for bed now. It's supposed to be all rainy tomorrow. Not sure what the plans are just yet.
and I live one more day and I make it through the rain...
|
|
| Together |
[17 Sep 2003|07:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Avril Lavigne - Tomorrow |
] |
So I met the whole fan group in New York. Took lots of pics. Will upload soon enough. Debated bringing the camcorder, but decided to stick with the camera. Walked around Times Square and everywhere. We ate dinner at the Stardust Diner, where it was very loud. Although, we got a good table where the waiters and waitresses interacted with us as they sang and danced. We did lots of walking. I'm sure everyone was rather tired after the day. They all endured lots of travel time and all that stuff. The city is great at night. Everything was nice with the bright lights and all. Well, that was yesterday.
We all hung out again today. They trained out to Jersey. I don't know how they all fit in my car. It was pretty tight. It's a shame they had to leave early with this hurricane and all. Natural disasters suck. Looking forward to the concert. Should be fun regardless of the weather!!!
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
pj14's journal